FORMAL LETTER
Subject: Letter of self-introduction
Dear Professor Brad,My name is Yong Jie, a first-year student of SIT robotics systems. This letter is to provide an insight into my life. Before joining SIT as a robotics student, I studied in Temasek Polytechnic as a digital forensics' student. As I was from the information technology industry, I have zero relevant work experience in robotics systems. However, when I was serving the nation, I got the opportunity to train with the next generation armored fighting vehicle, Hunter AFV. The Hunter AFV is one of the most advanced fully digitalized fighting platforms designed to meet the operational requirements for the future battlefield. Training with a vehicle equipped with technology for unmanned and autonomous operations developed my interest in robotics. Hence, I enrolled myself in SIT’s robotics systems engineering course.
I used to speak quickly out of nervousness and anxiety during presentations. Through my hobby dragon boat, I became a dragon boat trainer which taught me how to step out of my comfort zone in communicating with others. Being a trainer, I need to speak with confidence for my clients to trust my ability to train them. Throughout my career as a trainer, I have improved in this aspect and became better at speaking with confidence.
What I wish to gain from this module is related to my communication weakness. I want to be a persuasive communicator and, through my writing, master the art of persuasion and influencing people. At my level of proficiency, I found that my limitations are the complexity of my analysis. To grow from my weakness, I can apply the Paul-Elder critical thinking that will help me with my approach to problem solving.
Best regards,
Yong Jie
Amazing post Yong Jie! I really enjoyed the read.
ReplyDeleteHowever theres one error that ive managed to identify:
1)"advanced fully digitalized fighting platforms"(Run-on sentence
& Comma splice) There shud be a comma before the word "fully'
Thank you for sharing with us you past experiences in your previous institute as well as army. It was also interesting to read about your dragon boating experience.
DeleteThere should not be an apostrophe after digital forensics in your third sentence of the first paragraph, as you already used 'as a' before 'digital forensics'.
Thanks for the feedback Janaish and Jolene.
DeleteThank you for your letter.
ReplyDeleteAfter reading the letter, I spotted a few mistakes. In the second paragraph, you used the sentence "Through my hobby dragon boat..". There is a missing comma and it should have been "Through my hobby, dragon boat,..." Next is this sentence " I want to be a persuasive communicator and, through my writing...". I believe that you do not need the comma after the word 'and'.
Other than these mistakes, it was a detailed and comprehensible letter.
This comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteDear YJ,
ReplyDeleteThanks for the detailed letter. I appreciate the rich content aligned with the brief and clear organization. It's very interesting to us readers when you share your experience both in terms of NS and your hobby. I like the way you make a connection to robotics in terms of your operational training and then mention communication in the context of your hobby.
I appreciate learning of your perceived weakness, too. Persuasive speaking is an area we will surely work on. It's also clear to me that you have great potential for leadership. To achieve that end though I hope you can fine-tune your ability to keep focused in class. If you portray yourself as a leader rather than a party to the joking, you'll be enhancing your own capital, and that will serve you in the long run and also enhance the overall class dynamics.
I look forward to working with you further this term.
Cheers,
Brad
Thank you for the valuable feedback Prof Brad.
DeleteI look forward to working with you further this term too.